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Letters from Crystal Meth Users

  • Jan

    I Thought I was In Control

    Getting Meth was always easy for me. I live at home so I was what I call a "spoiled tweeker." I never really lost anything financially but I lost my family. I was first introduced when I was 10 years old because my mother was a "meth head." I didn't do it again until I was 14. I did it on and off for about 6 months after that. I am an addict now for 4 years. Now I'm 18 and just now trying to get off.

    I have been sober since Christmas Eve 2003 - today is January 2nd. This is the shortest time that I have been able to stay clean. The longest time was about 3 weeks. Quitting Meth is NOT EASY. People told me that it was going to be okay and with treatment I would recover. I'll I could do was laugh! They had never been in MY shoes let alone other users'. I couldn't believe that someone completely oblivious to that lifestyle was going to help me quit. They didn't know what it was like and how could they 'relate'?

    Meth took over. I was high every day. I even went to family gatherings spun out of my mind. I went to school high. I even went to church high. When I was home I would sit in my room and smoke my pipe. Smoking, snorting, and eating got boring so I began to shoot it. I didn't do that every time because I am afraid on needles!! But not when they got me high! At my 18 birthday, I was nowhere to be found. I was in a hotel room for 4 days with no intentions on going home. For being a girl and being 18, I have seen the worst, I have seen 'the best', and I have died and come back.

    On Nov. 1, 2003, I went out and did my normal Saturday night thing. My 'friends' picked me up and we went to 'the house' and got high. I sat there and watched this one guy for HOURS try to hit a vein, while I was hitting mine. I didn't realize that it was more than I had normally done and it was too much. I figured if I did half and half I would be alright. Well, after the last half, I continued to smoke. About 20 minutes later someone realized that I was sweating way too much and I was turning pale. My vision was blurred and I didn't know what was going on. I was taken home. I went straight to my room. I couldn't look at anyone because I know that I looked like hell.

    As the night went on, I began to hallucinate. At 2:00 a.m. I was looking out my window with a pipe in my hand and I was "passing shards back and forth thought my window." My hallucinations went on until about 9:00 a.m. I thought that I was ok, that I was just really high! My mom came in when she heard me talking to people that weren't there. She sat up with me all night to make sure that I didn't leave again. When morning came I was beginning to come down and I was ok! I heard my mom on the phone saying, "Well, what do we do if she doesn't go voluntarily?" She was calling the ER.

    My parents came in my room and told me that we were going to see my aunt and uncle, but my little brother wasn't going. I knew that something was up. I told them that I wasn't going anywhere unless my brother went too. Then they told me that they were going to take me to the hospital and that if I didn't go with them that I would have to be police escorted. Well, that didn't scare me. I was getting dressed when the police and paramedics pulled up outside my house. I still wasn't scared because I was smoking up until they came and rang my doorbell.

    They came in my room and started running tests. One paramedic asked me, "So you overdosed on cocaine?" If only I was on cocaine because things wouldn't have been that crazy. I said no that it was crystal and I told my mom that so she wouldn't freak out as much. They couldn't believe it. Now, I personally knew these cops and paramedics because I have a history with arrests and hospitalizations. They couldn't believe that this little girl graduated from alcohol and everything else to meth.

    Although I was compliant with them and very respectable, I was still treated like an armed robber. I was taken to ER, where within 5 minutes they uncovered my arms and found the track marks. This didn't please anyone. I was nervous because I didn't know what they were going to do so I was antsy. The nurses gave me a medicine that isn't right for a meth addict. I ended up having a bad reaction to it and it caused me to blackout for 48 hours.

    My heart rate was incredibly too high and they ended up having to revive me. When I came to, I didn't know why I was in the hospital. The doctors kept on insisting that it was attempted suicide and that I was not allowed to leave unless it was going straight to a psychiatric hospital.

    Since then, I have been locked out of my bedroom for 3 weeks, locked INSIDE my house and not allowed to see or talk to anyone. This doesn't bother me because I can now say that it is my fault. You would think that an overdose, dying and being hospitalized would make me straighten up but it didn't. When I was released I came home and accidentally came across a pipe that I swore wasn't there. I picked it up and thought for like 5 seconds and lit it up.

    Well, that is my story and now after 4 years I am able to admit that I am an addict and I have a problem and I am seeking help! I have been through the ringer as I am told and I am lucky to be alive. I am working everything there is to work so I can remain clean.


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