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Letters From Family & Friends of Meth Addicts

  • Feb
    16

    Destroying Your Life

    I randomly did a search on the web and came across this website. I'm not sure why I'm reading this but it's very fascinating and depressing at the same time. Anyway, I know of a lot of people in my town that has let crack and meth destroy their lives. One girl in particular I grew up with - known her since preschool age. We were never really that close I mean we'd hang out a few months at a time, then something stupid would happen and we wouldn't speak for years. Anyhow, soon after her son was born, and I already had a child myself; we started hanging out again. She smoked weed a lot then, but I didn't care almost everyone I knew smoked including my mom, and occasionally myself. She seemed to be a pretty decent mom; we would take our kids for walks daily together and to the park. She told me stories about how in the past she lived on the streets and was into crack heavily, gone to rehab all that. I was shocked, I never had a clue, plus I was never into anything like that.

    Soon her baby's dad came back into her life, and he was/is addicted to crack. Not long after, I know my friend got back into smoking crack with him. At first I didn't care, she said it was just for fun. She said she wasn't addicted it was just recreational. She even got me to try it a few times with her (God I wish I hadn't but I did) during the next few months, I started babysitting her son while she worked. She changed a lot, her friends changed, we stopped hanging out, she started pawning her stuff off, and she didn't pay me for babysitting her kid after her owing me money, I told her I quit babysitting and I didn't want her in my life anymore. She was very angry, threatened to have me beat up by numerous people, telling me to watch my back now that I think back she was probably strung out even then.

    About 4-5 months went by without seeing her. I stumbled into her one day, and she was really friendly, like nothing happened, so I went with it, I mean I don't want any confrontation. The thing is it looked like half of her was missing! The last time I seen her she was about 190 lbs. at 5'8" and now she was bone thin with sagging skin on her stomach from losing weight so fast, she was losing her hair, her skin was scabby and gross looking, plus she looked in her late 30's rather than early 20's. I soon saw her mug shot in the local paper for fraud and assault, no big surprise really.

    More time went by without seeing her, I wondered from time to time how she was doing, well mostly how her poor son was holding up. A few times she popped by my place asking to use the phone, or asking for quarters for pay phones, or sometimes a can of soup to eat. She had her son with her one time; we were sitting in my house. (I was so uncomfortable with her there, she was a stranger and a monster to me, but it crushed me to see her that way at the same time.) Anyway, she confronted me about a rumor she had heard from someone. She found out from someone that I said she was a crack head these were her exact words. She said, with a smug smile on her face "Actually, I haven't smoked crack in months, I've been doing meth."

    Ohhh excuse me! How dare I get your drug of choice wrong, is what I was thinking in my mind! She made a trip to the bathroom while at my house, she was in there a good few minutes, I knew immediately she was snorting some meth... she asked if I wanted to see what it looked like but I said no. (I kept thinking how dare you come in to my house and bring that shit here!! Next thing I know she got a few calls to her cell phone and then she asked if I would watch her son while she went to someone's house, she just said someone needs some shit. I don't want him to come, can you watch him for a half hour. I said yes just because I felt sorry for the little 3 year old boy. 3 hours or so later she showed up, but during this time, her boy continually would have yelling outbursts and says that's what my mommy does. He started calling me mom and saying he loves me it broke my heart into a million pieces. He cried and cried when she arrived to pick him up he did not want to leave a normal home I guess.

    A month or so later, she popped by alone again. (God I hated those unannounced trips.) She asked to use the phone to call her mom to see if she would take her to pick up her kid from the father's house. Her mom said to her "You missed court on Friday, you lost custody to his Dad" She broke down in hysterics as you can imagine (plus she was high) screaming, yelling obscene things to her mother on the phone, crying, pulling her hair. It was heartbreaking, yet at the same time I was selfish in thinking damn why is this happening at MY house, why is she here, I want her out! I gave her a hug, and told her maybe this is a sign that she needs to change, I told her looking at her was like looking into an empty dead soul, that all the happiness and life that was in here was gone. I wrote her an e-mail telling her in a respectful way that, as long as drugs were a part of her life, I didn't want her in my home ever again, that I didn't want anything to do with her.

    I haven't seen her since that day, which was around thanks giving 2004 but I have talked to her here and there briefly online, last I heard she had still not seen her son. It's unfortunate that even though she lost custody that poor boy still went to another addict's house, his father's.

    The part I thank god for whenever I think of her is that, it COULD have been me. Addiction could have very easily dug its nails into my back and took over my life. I smoked crack, I tried it, and I liked the high. But I HATED coming down. I felt like shit, I felt like the worst person in the world, I felt gross and worthless, dirty, like the scum of the earth. That feeling to me was never worth doing it again EVER. I hate drugs, I don't even like weed. I hate seeing how drugs eat away at peoples once happy lives. I know my ex-friend was thrilled she lost her weight that was the first thing she said when she saw me after months "Look I lost all my weight!" I thought then and I still think now wow great, you are skinny, but you lost your life, lost your family, friends, happiness and now your son.

    When I think of that I'm happy to say, Yeah, I'm fat, but I've got a great life, great friends, family, a beautiful child who is my reason for living, a caring boyfriend (soon to be husband), everything I could ask for. I wouldn't change it for anything. God Bless you all.

    Canadian Girl, Okanagan, B.C, Canada


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