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Letters From Family & Friends of Meth Addicts

  • Jan

    Growing up in a Meth Household

    My dad started smoking "ice" ever since the year 1990, around when my brother was born. He didn't smoke when I was born but since he was smoking marijuana, it lead him on to another drug which was "ice". Than my mom started after my second brother was born, she only started smoking "ice" because she didn't like the fact that my dad was always going to his cousin's house to smoke. She would cry for my dad to come home and not go out but he would never listen. We moved out of my grandma's house and live in an apartment, I use to always tell my mom that I wanted to be like her, but she always use to tell me that I wouldn't want to be like her, but at five years old I didn't understand.

    I started school and my mom always use to tell me not to tell my teachers that they are doing drugs, because it was bad and they can get arrested so being told that, I got scared because I didn't want my parents to go to jail. So I didn't say anything. Since my brothers and I slept in the same room as my parents, I would see everything my dad was doing. We moved again. I was in 2nd grade, and my brother, Steve, just started kindergarten. The neighborhood that I lived in wasn't the greatest. My dad was becoming a top seller of "ice", marijuana and coke. Every day I would see a lot of people coming in and out of my house, but I didn't really care. My mom only smoked when my dad smoked or when the customers came by and wanted to smoke. My papa didn't know my mom was smoking and walked in on her and was very disappointed.

    We were on welfare since my parents didn't have a job. My parents would be up all night playing darts, Nintendo, and whatever else they could do to keep them busy. Every time I would go in their room, I would see the clear baggies, straws, glass pipes, lighters all on the ground. I remember one night; our neighbors came to our house because there were these guys in blue suits walking back and forth in the streets just looking at our house. One of the guys that use to pick up from my dad ratted (told on the person) him out to the cops, so that night they raided our house. My brothers and I were asleep throughout the whole thing. When they came into our house their guns were all pointed at my mom on the couch while she was sleeping, and she only woke up because she felt people were looking at her. When she woke up she was scared. My dad was already arrested and was downstairs. But the cops were mad because they didn't find anything they were looking for, since at that time it was slow. My mom was telling the police that she wanted to call my papa to pick us up since we were too young to stay home by ourselves.

    My dad told the cops that he will take all the charges. My mom stayed in jail for the rest of the night while my dad didn't come home. My mom looked very drugged out, her hair was very wild at some days and her face was very weird but both my parents weren't very skinny like a stick. My parents would always feed us; they wouldn't make us starve so they can buy drugs. My dad wasn't really a family guy where he would go to family parties, only my mom, brothers and I would go even though it could be for his side of the family. My dad was in jail for about a month than my grandma bailed him out. Life without my dad for a month was kind of bad since I was my daddy's girl but the good part of the jail that my dad was in was my brothers and I could visit him with my mom together their wasn't no limit. My dad was put on parole and would have to go to every meeting with his parole officer.

    He continues to sell his drugs, but this time he would be tweaking more than he used to. I would see him putting in the car stereo all the time or see him fixing his moped even though nothing was wrong. Since my brothers were very young I don't think they knew anything about what was going on. My dad was again put back in jail for not obeying the parole officer's orders. It was the day before Thanksgiving; my mom was at the prison visiting my dad since it was a different prison. After that day I got really sick because I fell and got a small rock stuck in my leg. It was hard for my mom because she now had to start doing my dad's job by selling drugs. My leg started to get swollen, but I didn't know what was wrong so I still walked.

    It was finally a weekend and I was happy that I could visit my dad; only two persons are allowed a visit for one inmate. I was happy when I got there and started crying and asked my dad if he was going to go back to jail when he comes out and his answer was NO. So I kept that answer in my head, he still had to stay in jail for 2 1/2 years. Things started to go bad after I got better; my mom had a hard time trusting the customers when they said they would pay her back. I would always go with her to pick up from another guy. My mom was very soft when they didn't have the money to pay. She would fall asleep counting her money and putting away the drugs so when i woke up in the morning to go to school i would count the money and put everything away in the safe and leave a note for my mom for what i did. My dad's ex-friend was helping my mom with everything. I would go with them everywhere and if I didn't get to go I would have a temper tantrum which would lead to me getting abused.

    My brothers would stay with my aunty when my mom and I would go. In fourth grade my next door neighbors got raided. I got really scared because I thought the cops were going to come for us again so I threw all the marijuana down the toilet, crack mostly all the pipes except one and tried to hide the rest of my mom's stash. When I looked out my window all I could see was hookers sitting on each one of my steps (14steps), but I didn't see the guy that rents the house. This raid was on the news. When the guy came home, he was arrested and that was the last I saw of him.

    In Feb 1998 my grandpa died (my dad's dad) it was very sad since he had Alzheimer's, my dad was in jail and he asked to get permission to go to funeral which they let, but I was happy and sad at the same time. When i think about it, it makes me cry. When my dad went to the funeral he was shackled up, my dad's sisters were all crying because my dad came, I started crying more because it was my first time seeing my dad at family occasions, but I was happy he came.

    One morning when I woke up I went in the bathroom my mom was on the toilet; she had tried to commit suicide but didn't succeed. I didn't know that the blood was blood, I thought was nail polish, when my aunty came to pick my brothers and I up to go to school she asked for my mom and I told her she was on the toilet. So she went in there and was mad, she threw my mom in the shower and started to give her a shower, she was mad at my dad's ex-friend, Manny and wanted to beat him up. Another thing she found was that my mom overdosed on Tylenol. My mom hit rock-bottom.

    We got kicked out of my house and were homeless sleeping in our car for one night. My brothers ended up staying at my papa's house while I was with my mom at a house she rented. We only stayed there for a month when my dad ex-friend stabbed my mom in the back. We moved in with my papa, when my mom stopped smoking and got sleep while my aunty took care of us. After not smoking she started drinking alcohol. As I got older it didn't really matter to me if I visited my dad or not. My mom cut back on the drinking and started looking for a job since they were going to cut back on my mom's welfare. She found a job at the carnival, after working couple of month and traveling she made a decision of starting a new life on another island.

    I lived on the island of Hawaii for three years; my mom was off the drug for five years. I am now 14 years old and don't want nothing like that happen to me ever again. My dad just came out of jail and finished his time, he is a changed man and I threatened him that if he starts doing drugs again I want him to get out of my life. But he loves the life he lives. I know I too have changed from how I was in the past to now. Now both of my parents are off the drugs. My mom is happy how the way my brothers and I turned out to be, she always tell us that we could have turned to bad people and start doing bad thing but we didn't. I look at my brother who is only 10 he lived half of his life without a father and the first half don't really count because he never did anything with him at a young age.

    I can be eating at McDonalds and where that is located it's very drug out, and while I'm eating I can see people dealing and passing paper bags around and it just makes me sick. I don't think nobody young or old should go through a stage with drugs in your life because it's not worth it. My dad is off the drugs but it's hard to trust him since he lied to me before. I kind of wish that I was brought up clueless about drugs because it makes me sick seeing people doing drugs. Just because your parents are doing drugs don't think you should start doing it because that did not go through my mind when my parents were doing drugs.

    You might be older than me or younger than me but you have to know that drugs aren't your life, and it isn't your parent life either. My mom told me that some of my older cousins were smoking "ice" and all I told her was that they were dumb because since their parents were smoking "ice" too. I would think they would learn from their parent's mistake, but they didn't, but soon stopped. My other cousin is starting smoking cigarettes and marijuana and I think selling "ice" and I tell her that I wouldn't do none of those and she looks at me and says "you will end up smoking it in the future". I know I won't because I don't want to end up like my parents.

    Now I know why my mom told me that I wouldn't want to be like her, I want to be better than her, and my dad put together. See your life don't have to be how your parent's life is, it's your mind think of the outcomes don't think of what it can do for you now. Noho ikaika, malama nou po'o luna (No-ho E-Kai-Ka, Ma-La-Ma no po-o lu-na) Stay Strong, keep your head up.


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