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Meth Addict's Personal Stories

  • Feb

    True Love and Crystal Meth Addiction

    True Love and Crystal  Meth Addiction

    On July 31, 2002 at 2:30pm, I walked into the Piggly Wiggly in Idabel OK to make my delivery to the store (chipman). It was my first day in OK working for a guy who broke his foot. I was supposed to be there for 4 weeks, it would up being 6 months. The second I walked in that door my eyes locked with an unbelievably cute girl standing at register 4. I'll never forget the look on her face.

    I went straight over to get a diet DR Pepper and went through her line. It took her 45 minutes to check me out. It was Faith's first day; she had started at 2 pm and didn't have much of a clue what she was doing. She was so sweet and so embarrassed. I asked her name and she wouldn't tell me. It took me 3 weeks to figure it out.

    I asked everyone in the store about her and nobody knew too much except that she didn't have a boyfriend. I went in that store every night to do a pull up, not really, but I went to see her. She was interested in talking to me but was keeping a big distance. I sent her a dozen white roses on Monday. When I came in that afternoon she was sobbing talking to the other girls about it. She told me no one ever sent her flowers before. She also told me for the first time, that I didn't want to have anything to do with her because she had to many problems. I had no clue what was to come.

    I always told her she was really hyper and she said I take diet pills, which I believed because I had taken them myself. Things progressed over the next 3-4 weeks. I went in to see her every day, and if I wasn't doing anything, I'd be there waiting on her when she got off at 9pm.

    She was always impatient but she stayed and talked. I didn't find out till later I was holding up her nightly run to the dope house. I finally got her to go out with me after about a month. I took her shopping. We spent the whole day together and the better part of $500. She still kept telling me I didn't want her. But I did want her. I found out from her roommate she wanted me to.

    On our second date, we went shopping again and went to eat. That was when the big one got dropped on me. We were sitting on the bed in my room talking and I was talking sweet to her and I guess I got to her and she got this weird look on her face. She got up, went over to the chair and got her purse and pulled out a little piece of foil and just looked at it. I asked her what it was and she said it didn't matter. She got up and stood there looking at me; like ok now you know, so I'll be going.

    I got up and put my arms around her and started crying. She tried to pull away saying I'm not worth crying over. I asked her if it was bad, and she said real bad, 5 yrs. It's a week or two later before she told me what it was. She had convinced herself I was the police, so she kind of kept her distance for a week or so. I guess maybe a month after she told me; she decided to do it in front of me. She told me all the time as much as she wanted to leave me alone. I was impossible not to like.

    I was spoiling her rotten. Anything she wanted she got. I even gave her my new truck and took her old car, which I paid off. For a long time I wouldn't give her cash, I'd pay her bills, take her shopping but I knew she would use the cash for dope if I gave it to her. But one night she came over real upset and she asked me if I'd buy her some. I gave in. From hence forth I gave in all the time. I was pretty much her sugar daddy.

    She moved in with me around November. We had to go to Dallas to get my stuff and we were both sick that day. It was cold and raining. Neither one of us wanted to go but we had already paid for the U-Haul so we had to. She told me she had to run see her momma for a minute and she be back. When she got back she made me a drink.

    She said this will help you survive today. You know what it is. She said I'm only doing this so we don't kill each other today. I had asked her before but she was 100% no on that. She stayed away a lot and tried to only be around me when she was normal cause she didn't want me to see her like that. But we were miserable that day. The stuff wasn't any good, it didn't do anything to me, or her but we made it back. As soon as we got back she took off and didn't come back for 3 days. Left me to unload the truck by myself.

    When she came back we were sitting there watching TV while she was smoking away. She threw me a capsule and said here you'll feel this. I did. It was but a crumb. About enough to fill the round bowl on the bottom of a capsule. We had fun that day. Put everything up and cleaned the whole house. Faith never stayed with me all night unless I was up with her. I didn't know everything about the lifestyle yet so I didn't fully understand why she was always gone. I got wired up about once a week for the next month or so. Just for fun. I didn't crave it yet.

    One day before Christmas, she got a batch of pure crystal. That was the first time she let me smoke. She got pissed at me because I kept asking her to let me but she wouldn't. She loaded up a glass pipe and left in a huff. That was the first time i got blown up. Of course I didn't see her for 3 days again. I wanted it after that.

    I got laid off the day after Christmas. Faith thought it was due to my use. It wasn't, they didn't need me anymore because they changed the delivery system and had to get rid of someone. On top of that we were in a dispute over my expense account so it was convenient. But with no money and me now wanting to use, Faith almost left me. I was using pretty regularly now, but not getting blown.

    Her friends came over all the time. She was pissed at them for giving me shit. I got another job in about 3 weeks. It only lasted 4 weeks before they laid me off. The company folded basically. That was about the beginning of the end. I went to Dallas for a few days just to get out of town. I owed all the bills and had no money to pay them. I ran across someone I grew up with and he just so happened to be a dope man, which I had no clue.

    I was introduced to the good stuff. I brought some back to Faith but she was so mad at me she wouldn't come home, plus she didn't believe me that I had gotten shit on my own. So I shared it with some of her friends. She believed me then after I blew up half the druggies in Idabel.

    Then she was mad because she didn't get any. So I went and got some more and she came home this time. Throughout all this coming and going we had days where she stayed and had fun with me. But she knew I was hooked on the shit and it hurt her a lot. But when I started getting her the good stuff we got pretty close for a while. But I got to where I didn't want to leave her. I need to because I wasn't going to find a good job there. But we had never been so close and I was afraid if I did leave that would be the end of it, which it appears it was.

    We got thrown out of our house and were living in the car. Actually I was in the cars she was in the dope houses. She never would take me with her anywhere. She was pissed I wouldn't go to Dallas and get a job. But one day in March, she was going to go to Dallas with me, her first time there to meet my hookup. We couldn't get a hold of him and both of us were crashing hard.

    We could find any shit up there either. So we wound up in a fight in our friend's yard. She beat me up with a baseball bat. That's when I left. The cops wanted to pick her up but I wouldn't press charges against her. I didn't hear from her for about a week, but she called me to see if I was ok. We got really close again. Talked every night. We were running back and forth to see each other doing guess what. I finally got a job. We were putting the shit away for a while, but then we decided we wanted to try to stop.

    She was going to move to Dallas with me. She came down on June 2nd to see me and get some shit. We had a great time, got a motel room. Smoked like crazy, were very close, and very spun too. She decided she wanted to drive back at night cause the tags were out on the truck. She didn't know I put what I put in her purse. She always got scared driving, especially if she was wired. I gave her a hug and big kiss. She told me I'll see you next Friday and I love you so much. (I got paid Friday and was going to get a place to stay.)

    She should have called me about 6 am saying she was home, but no call. I got up and went to work panicked because she always called me when she got home. About 8:30 pm, her momma called and told me Faith had gotten picked up. She got lost leaving Dallas. I was in Waco and I headed straight back. I completely fell apart. She got caught with 6 grams, all of which i gave to her.

    She swears to me she hadn't found it when they got her but it doesn't really matter. If I hadn't of done that, she may have got off with just a DWI. She's not mad at me for doing it but I feel so unbelievably guilty. Here we are today. It's been 8 days now since I talked to her. She has to be in court next Monday at 10 am for her DWI. Still no date on the possession charge yet. I'm headed to rehab, depressed as I've ever been. My Angel is out there somewhere, probably in a dope house using again.

    I know she's scared. I know her mind is tormented. She won't talk to me; because she's using again and she knows I'll get on her. Plus she knows I've been trying to get her to go to rehab with me. So if she avoids me, she can hurt and be lonely by herself. She thinks she won't hurt me anymore, if she doesn't talk to me. I hope so much, I get to see her before court cause whenever she takes off and then sees me again she loses it. I don't want that to happen in court.

    Three weeks ago when I was up there visiting her, she let me lay there and hold her almost 2 hours, something that has never happened before. She told me that I meant more to her than anyone ever has, and that she knew how bad she treated me; but that didn't mean she didn't care. She told me how scared she was. I told her she didn't have anything to be scared about. She said I can't believe you have stuck by me through all the shit I've put you through. She said you must really love me. And I do. I fell in love with her before I knew her problems. Then I created her last problem. She's my Angel and always will be.

    Update...I have started rehab now, outpatient. I have two groups a week and then one individual session. I'm trying to get a group of CMA started around here; but as of yet I can't get anyone to help me. But I'm still working on it.

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