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Letters From Family & Friends of Meth Addicts

  • Feb

    Struggling With Addiction

    I printed out the last two months of letters posted on this sight and have started reading them with my boyfriend as bed time stories. He has been struggling with his addiction to Meth for the past year. I also printed out the before/after pictures of meth users, the Meth Mouth and list of ingredients to help him get the visual. A picture says a thousand words, they say. He is open to this therapy because part of him really does want to kick the habit (I don't think anyone truly in their hearts WANTS to be an addict), and that is the only reason. From what I know about him, drugs and alcohol has always been a part of his life. Every kind of abuse occurred in his home as a child and he has carried that luggage with him for a long, long time (he will be 40 this year). We have similar backgrounds, and maybe that is why we were so drawn to each other, but I have been sober for 10 plus years now, he hasn't had a day of sobriety since he 11. I didn't know he did drugs when we first started dating; he always referred to his use as in back in the day. Little did I know, it really yesterday, the day before or, after I drop you off, I'm going to go party with so and so. Once I did learn of his habit (mostly coke then ice, then it turned around, things got REALLY bad after that), I left him of course but I could not stay away for long. I pitied him (and he knew how to exploit that like most addicts do) and a part of me wanted to repay my debt to society (like most recovering/recovered addicts do) and help him see the light. I made the mistake of trying to use the guilt trip, or the emotional outbursts.

    I tried to share with him the journey I took to take my life back, with all the emotions to back it up. Didn't work pretty much just backfired on me and set US further back. I put up with a lot of the accusations, the paranoia, the erratic behavior, the mood swings and knew all along I could/should walk away right then and there. I made the mistake of preaching to him. I do practice what I preach but that wasn't the point I was still preaching to him. I was on the brink of giving up and letting go when I found this website. I thought to myself he doesn't know any better (in a way), he thinks it's cool or macho or something only daredevils like him do I bet if I put these letters, these pictures, these statistics in front of him he just might listen.

    Knowledge is power. And if he can see this with his own eyes, he can make his own CONSCIOUS choice let him empower himself and let go. When I first laid the pages in front of him, i saw the shock then other emotions flew across his face anger, shame, sadness, helplessness he had to sit down. I didn't stand over him or allow myself to have an outburst I momentarily felt I was entitled to (I wanted to shout and scream and cry and tell him look what you are doing to yourself! Or FINALLY! amongst other not so nice things). But I just quietly sat next to him and looked at the pictures for a while with him. I started asking questions like; what kind of job do you think this person had? I think this person did this and that kind of work how about that dude? Maybe they have kids? Do you think they beat up on their loved ones? What do you see in this person's eyes? Want to read some of these letters? What do you think? Then, I just listened. I mean really listened. By listening, instead of preaching I caught a small glimpse of his soul. We sat up for the next couple of hours being objective (but not fighting/arguing/debating) about each story we read, how both us related to people in the stories one way or another. There was crying and a little bit of laughter but most important of all, the light began to shine through for him, for now. I watch him struggle with himself these few short sober days he has put in the bank, not feeling comfortable with the old or even the newly found him but that is just something that he has to go through and then he will see for himself what kind of man he was meant to be. I am realistic and know that he has not come out of the woods yet but I am still hopeful for him and for us. I know he can fall at any time under stress, during a celebration, under peer pressure at any moment, on any given day or night. Even love at its best can't be too confident to conquer meth. I've accepted that and hope that my boyfriend can empower himself and take his life back. I am not a counselor or social worker I am just another human being looking for our world to be a better place to live. My heart goes out to those struggling with their addiction or the addiction of someone they love and care deeply for. My hopes are that we will all reach the higher grounds we are reaching for and find our better selves for the sake of the generations who will eventually follow in our footsteps.

    Bernadette. Dallas, TX.

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