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Letters From Family & Friends of Meth Addicts

  • Feb

    Unhappy, Stressed and Fearful

    I am a 56 years old grandmother raising my teenage grandson through the foster care program. The boy's mother has been an addict w/Adult ADHD since 17. She has been in prison in two states three times with several local bits of jail time. All related to drug use including theft, shoplifting, and parole violations. My Daughter started out as an alcohol abuser; she didn't like marijuana. She moved into cocaine, then crack, then Heroin and prescription drugs.

    Being naive and with her having our only grandchild, we enabled her by paying her rent and loaning her money (for obviously fraudulent reasons). We called CPS but they won't act unless they catch the parent "in the act" of a form of child abuse. We tried interventions. She was mean as cat doo doo and wouldn't listen. We tried to stay away for our own sanity; it was she who would show up on our doorstep begging and whining for something else. While using crack, her appearance went straight down hill, her house was filthy, buyers and sellers were crawling into the boy's bedroom window. (The child couldn't sleep alone for years!)

    When she went out of state to try to get her life together, we signed in relief because we knew she wouldn't constantly be on our door step. BUT, when she was thrown into jail there we had to get the boy and bring him here. He was so sad and closed off. He had seen so much crap in his short life.

    Eventually she returned to this state and continued in her addictions; in and out of jail and another prison stint. When she started with the Heroin that is the time she actually began to steal FROM us. No more messing around making up stories on why she needed money she just TOOK IT. She took $300 out of my grandson's piggy bank even! We had set up a system for him to take charge of when he reached a certain's gone. My daughter was arrested for something or other later and we decided to add the charge of theft from us to it.

    One day in 1999 my daughter took her son with her to a party that was raided. She went to jail; the boy went into protective custody where he stayed until her sentence was ruled upon. During this time my husband and I were in a desperate search for housing. We are disabled on fixed incomes. We had a hell of a time finding something suitable, or anything at all. We look in four other counties only to come back to this one to rent a cramped, dingy little 800 sq. ft., inaccessible dump. I was depressed. It killed me to have to move in here and out of where we were. The unit had been sold.

    My daughter had some out time and spent it worrying about her son and "fixing". Eventually she went to prison for her third time. My grandson begged us to take him with us. We couldn't do it. We were exhausted and our dwelling is too cramped. Eventually we relented and made room for him. The social services/foster care have been very helpful since we were doing something that we shouldn't have to do in our condition, or at all for that matter. We loved him. We at his birth. But we are just too ill and burned out by his mother's antics to WANT to take on more stress. We have given it our best, but guess what?

    Grandson learned from his mother, I guess. He began to steal from US right away. Money mostly. I counseled him, hugged him, hand long non-threatening talks with him. We got him involved in sports, a gym, a camp, and tried church. He came to us permanently at 11 1/2 years old--though we've had him with us on and off all of his life.

    Sooooo, here we go again, I'm thinking! He's stealing. Money at first, then drugs from his grandpa. Naive as I was I felt like he needed guidance on how to function in the real world. I taught him to use my ATM card so he could go to the store for us. HA! Twice I've had to kill the card and get new ones as he stole money from my bank! Something in the neighborhood of $400 all totaled. He began smoking pot like crazy too much. He was ALWAYS STONED. We brought a counselor on board who tried to reach him to let him know he was retarding his growth by using so much. Grandson's got kicked out of public school for holding weed and paraphernalia AND he was kicked from one alternative school to another for misbehavior. His grades are good though. hmm

    Grandson has been with us since '01. About 2 1/2 yrs. ago we began to notice small changes in him, besides the excessive pot use. He would be fine for a while, funny even, and then he'd get moody. He was always closed mouthed and secretive. He likes to wear gang like clothing, which I always tell him he needs to change up a bit as he's growing into a man. PULL YOUR PANTS UP PLEASE! I took away certain items I felt were over the top.

    In any case, his newly weird behavior has us suspecting he IS using Crystal meth or some sort of crack. He is extra moody, his eyes are flaming red. His appetite has decreased significantly; our cigarette lighters are missing almost the moment they come out of the package. Where are our new ink pens going? We found the guts to perfectly functional ink pens in the bath trash, no tube. We found bent spoons with heat marks on bottom and liquid/pooled stains in spoon head on our bathroom floor. He keeps butane in his room. (His room is a sudden disaster area). His hygiene went downhill then he would seem to straighten up and act correctly with all that. His face is broken out in "acne"? He has decided to get to school 'when he feels like it'. He used to be prompt. He hasn't had a job, except for clearing brush for a friend, AT ALL. Places he HAS applied for require a drug test. NOW, he is going after costly personal items of ours and doesn't even try to hide the "evidence". As of today, we are missing our nice digital camera and husbands new CD player he kept locked in the car.

    Hubby was going out of town and bought that CD for his pleasure. I'm going to take away Grandson's CD and give it to hubby. The camera is gone forever. Grandson's also sold our amplifier we had stored in his cramped room. He sold his bike last year (after I had it serviced to look nice) He sold his video game a long time ago, I only just learned.

    Hubby is sick with COPD, Left-side hemiplegia, covered in psoriasis, liver problems, and depression. I have OA in both hips, my spine, my feet, severe sleep apnea, insomnia, depression etc. WE CANNOT TAKE THIS KID ANYMORE. Grandson will come on all sweet and cuddly when he wants something or when he's done something wrong, NOW I get it! I asked him what he intends to do next year at 18. His answer was lame.

    My daughter returned from Prison in Jan '05. She failed the half-way house and ended up HERE. She IS enrolled in college but her adult ADD is hindering her life. We are too cramped in here. Hubby and I feel like we've done enough with these two. We love them but we don't want to love them to death. Theirs or ours.

    Hubby is extremely stressed out all the time--possible violent outburst pending. I'm unhappy, stressed (heart attack), and fearful all the time. I think it's time these two got on with their lives. I want to call foster care and tell them to put Grandson someplace else. All the horror stories we hear of other's fights with addicted loved ones is NOT encouraging. Some days I just don't get out of bed.

    GrannytheDupe, California, USA

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