Letters from Crystal Meth Users

• Feb
  12

  Don't End Up Like ME

  When I was 13 I tried out smoking weed with a girlfriend of mine who was popular, fun, and I never really liked it that much it didn't give me much of a high. But I did it anyway, to be cool, to show off. I never bought it; my first serious boyfriend sold it and always gave me some. He wasn't good to me; eventually he mentally/emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me. He slept with another girl while he was with me, and then apparently left me for her.

  After months of getting over him, I met my current boyfriend. He was amazing. He was (supposedly) substance free. I tried crystal when I was 15, with him. We both sniffed lines and then went home. I didn't like that high my throat, nose, and mouth bothered me. Several weeks later, he brought out the pipe. My first time I was awake for two days and loved it. I had revelations I never thought I'd have. I wrote in my journal, talked nonstop, and didn't eat. I thought I was doing well because I was losing weight, the sex was fabulous, and he and I were doing well. Eventually my mom found out by reading my journal. She acted suspicious for a while, and then confessed that she had gone through my things and read something about me being tweaked. I promised her I tried it once, and it was a one-time thing.

  He started getting obvious mood swings. His money was disappearing quickly. He would come to me for cash, and if I didn't give him any or even have any, he'd get pissed. He eventually stopped asking me for money when I told him I didn't want to buy it or have him use anymore. He said he'd only use on the weekends. Since he was the only one I used it with I agreed. So much for only using it on weekends. He'd come over, we'd smoke, hang out. It didn't matter what day it was, it was as if our "agreement" didn't matter.

  I started missing my menstrual periods here and there (I'm pretty sure it's from the usage) and having serious mood swings myself. I've vowed to cut down, to quit. I haven't used as much lately, but it's still with me. I know I use it habitually if it's there. If it's not there, its fine, I can go without it for days. But when it's there I smell it, I taste it I want it. I want help but I don't know where to start. I want to get him help, but I know he'll be pissed if I told anyone. I know I am not as addicted as him because I admit my problem, he doesn't. I don't know about him, but my memory is starting to go. I forget things easily and things I once knew, I can't remember as well.

  So please, if you use it, are thinking about using it, or once used it, please don't do it. I know the high is great, but you miss it, you crave it, you'll think you need it. Risking your life for a substance does nothing for you in the long run. You do not want to end up like me or like my boyfriend.
  
  Pinky

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  Posted on February 12th, 2011

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