Meth Addict's Personal Stories

Jan
30

Living The Dream Without Meth

I moved from Utah to California to be with my best friend. I had high hopes for this move. I felt that it would be a great opportunity for me to progress in life so I packed my things, quit my job, left my family and friends and drove to South Orange County. I didn't find out until I got here that my best friend was addicted to cocaine. I had been doing drugs recreationally for a long time and had never had a problem at keeping it at that. I did coke with him right away and did it quite a lot, but when I realized how addicted he was, I got really scared.

He lied about it, stopped paying his bills to buy Coke. Isolated himself from people that cared about him, surrounded himself with other addicts, stopped doing the things he normally loved to do. I fought so hard, worried, cried, lost sleep, trying everything I could possibly think of to get him to stop. He kept telling me that the only thing that I could do to help was back off. I literally didn't know how to do that. It got to the point that I told him that I couldn't think of anything else to do and that he just needed to keep it out of our home because it was getting too hard for me to turn down and I didn't want to become an addict like him. He did, for the most part, respect that but then I just never saw him. He tried so hard, bless his heart, to quit. I could see it in his eyes; the desperation and lack of soul literally. The person that I loved more than anyone in the world was disappearing right before my eyes and there wasn't much I could do about it. I felt helpless and ashamed that I was failing as a best friend. Then he started using meth.

It didn't take long for me to become addicted. I only did it on weekends for the first little while but it quickly became a daily thing. I would binge for 3 or 4 days sometimes, go to work high, I don't even know how much weight I lost but it was VERY quickly... I'd go 4 or 5 days without eating. I only used for less than 6 months, but what I have learned about myself, the pain I went through and caused, and how hard it was to get off this drug to this day haunt me.

I came to the conclusion, that this drug is more powerful than any non-user understands. It takes a hold quickly and doesn't let go easily. It becomes your best friend, your family, your lover, your soul mate, your source of happiness even though it's all a facade. When I was on the other side of addiction and worrying for my best friend people would tell me. There's nothing you can do. they have to want to do it for themselves or it will never happen. It used to make me so mad!!! I realize now though it's true. People told me that I just needed to end things with him and leave him but I knew I wasn't willing to do that and now I'm a recovering addict and my best friend is no longer in my life.

As I write my story I am on day 33 with no Crystal. I've experienced some amazing, terrifying, and indescribable things in my battle with addiction. I couldn't possibly even explain what I've gone through and learned in the past month. I feel GREAT! In the month since I've been home I've started my own company, accepted a contract to be the makeup artist for a professional dance company, and I'm back recording in the studio! I remember again what it feels like to be an independent person with dreams. There are really tough days and some that are even tougher but I feel more like "ME" than I think I ever have. I'm walking away from my experience in California a stronger, better, smarter Emily!

This website has been a huge part of that! Em
3 Comments
Posted on January 30th, 2011
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3 Responses to Living The Dream Without Meth

REPLY

Gina P.

October 28th, 2011

You're so right that no one who isn't addicted to meth knows what's like. People talk about addiction like they know what it is, but it's so much more than anyone realizes. Over the span of about eight months meth turned from being something that I did once or twice with my boyfriend to my best friend that I couldn't live without. Meth was my priority in life. Everything else I wanted to do fell to the wayside. They didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was meth. I didn't care about work, school, family, friends or even simple things like eating.
One morning when I woke up sort of sober because I didn't have enough money to get more meth right away, I realized that I had to change my life. I tried to stop using on my own, but it just didn't work. Meth had such a strong hold on me that I just couldn't battle the cravings and win. I tried. I really did, but it never worked. After about a month of trying to stop using meth and failing just about every day, I decided to start going to 12-step meetings. I don't know what the difference was, but the fellowship at the meetings really helped. Things got a little bit easier when I got a sponsor. My sponsor is amazing and is probably the sole reason that I'm not using meth anymore.
I'm starting to remember how amazing it is to live without meth. If I can manage to stay clean for three more days I'll get my 30-day coin.
REPLY

Jill D.

October 28th, 2011

Being addicted to meth is unlike anything else, so I totally agree that non-addicts don't have a clue about meth addiction. Before using meth I was an alcoholic and smoked three to four packs of cigarettes a day. I was able to give up meth and alcohol on my own. It wasn't easy and it didn't happen all at once, but I was able to essentially wean myself off these substances without too many problems. Meth, though, I just couldn't do. I tried and tried. It didn't matter how bad my life got or what kind of incentive I had. I'd lose job after job, get evicted from apartment after apartment, and it just didn't matter. I couldn't stop using meth no matter how hard I tried.
I tried almost everything. I went to 12-step meetings and they didn't help. I saw a therapist and that didn't help. I even got desperate and tried hypnotherapy, which didn't help at all. Finally I got desperate enough that I checked myself into a residential rehab. I didn't know what else to do. I'm so glad that I went to rehab. It was the first time in my life that I was really clean. Now I'm almost four months sober and I'm out of rehab. I live in a sober living house and am continuing my outpatient treatment by seeing a therapist and going to a 12-step meeting every day. Maybe one day I won't need a meeting a day, but for now I definitely do.
REPLY

Kimberly P

October 28th, 2011

You hit the nail on the head. There's nothing like meth addiction, and someone who hasn't experienced it will never know. It's scary how fast my relationship with meth went from being casual to meth entirely taking over my life. It's like meth is an evil friend. It wants you to think it's harmless. It wants you to think that you'll be able to stop using it when you have to. It wants you to think that you can enjoy your life even more with its help. It wants you to think that it's your best friend and will always have your back. And then it steals everything from you. Your money, your life, your career, your friends and your family can all be gone in an instant. At least that's how it happened with me.
I turned into a person I wasn't proud of when I became addicted to meth. In the span of less than a year I had lost my job, my house, my husband and my kids. None of my real friends wanted to talk to me anymore. Meth and my dealer were my only friends. I don't know where it came from, but at some point I was blessed enough to have a moment of clarity and realize that I had to change something. I got into rehab and never looked back. That was 42 days ago. It's amazing to be 42 days clean. I know that this is the start of getting my life back.

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