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Ask Michelle - Questions & Answers about Meth Addiction and Recovery

  • Dec
    09

    Will the Love of My Life Ever Realize?

    Question:
    I was married to a meth user for, I have no idea how long. I knew he had a problem with pain pills, and we spent the last year working on that addiction. For the last six or seven months he has been so bad, he hasn't been able to work. He had completely checked out of our little family several months ago. Around the same time he began hanging around with people using meth. He has two children that I was basically raising on my own. Doing all of the household chores, yard work, cooking, tending children, and earning all of the income. Anyway, I left him within weeks of discovering his addiction to meth. It actually explained a lot. I thought for a very long time he was bi-polar, and the pill addiction was causing these violent outbursts. Anyway, the most difficult part of this entire situation is that he doesn't care that I left. He has turned the house into a big party scene with drug dealers and users staying there for days at a time. I left hoping it would be an eye opener to him, and he would get the appropriate help. The weird thing is, I know this man loved me with every ounce of his being. I know he has to be in there somewhere, but for the most part he is not even a shred of the man that I married. I look into his eyes now and see nothing but hollowness. I have been gone for two months, and have the delusional idea that any day now he is going to contact me telling me he has decided to give up the meth and make our little family work once again. But I think the most difficult part of this entire tragedy is how little he cares. He has completely changed his life to be just a party boy with cute girls around him at all times. I am having such a difficult time understanding how it could just be so easy for him to let the woman he always claimed that he loved more than any other girl he's ever been with, and just pretend our three years of marriage never existed. I feel like I am living in the twilight zone. I am sure he has figured out a way to convince himself he is a victim in all this. He became an expert at becoming a victim. I know the person I married is gone, but I can't help but wonder if he will ever be back, and if he does come back, will he ever realize what he lost and why he lost it?

    Answer:
    Meth is a very toxic and addictive drug and when abused, can ruin a person's entire life very fast causing extreme changes in personality and behaviors like your husband's displaying, sadly completely changing who they once were. Meth is also very powerful and destructive, users commonly begin neglecting the people in their life that love them the most and the drug often becomes the central focus of their life.

    Continued drug abuse alters the way a person thinks, unfortunately addicts live in their own delusional world of denial convincing themselves that their ok and others are the ones with a problem. Unfortunately, an addict's denial allows them to blame others for their destructive behaviors.

    Sadly right now the person you once knew is gone due to his addiction but someday he could realize what he's lost with proper treatment. I know it was hard but leaving was the best thing you could do for yourself and your children. I just hope you're attending a support group, receiving counseling or a combination of both because the emotional distress loved ones go through is debilitating and seeking help for yourself will help you to better understand the disease of addiction and emotionally recover.

5 Responses to Will the Love of My Life Ever Realize?

  • Jacquelyn

    January 28th, 2014

    I can totally relate to what you are going thru because the same is happening to me.

  • Tk

    February 10th, 2014

    Totally can relate....My sons dad is a meth user and he is always a victim! If you say your leg is hurting he has to out do you and say there is something worse with him! He would get very violent for no reason and tell me I did something wrong even if I tried to pretend I was sleeping! His symptoms were like being bi polar or a skitzo! I to hoped he would change but don't think he ever will! They won't change unless they really want the help! Best of luck to you!

  • Jason

    December 10th, 2015

    not worry so much about his recovery, but yours!! he will find his way and clean up his garbage on his side of the street, important that you clean up yours on your side for your own recovery from this horrible addiction. Its too easy to focus on others problems so we don't have to look at our own issues and character defects, we all them. I too need to be mindful of this, fall into this often.

  • Becky

    January 1st, 2016

    I can relate to you all. My husband of 36 years is smoking meth. Has Ben for over 5 years. I only found out 1 year ago. He moved out 8 months ago. Because I was finding it, he kept saying it wasn't his He said he couldn't live with me if I was going to accuse him of drugs, bought a drug test. It mysteriously disappears . We have found it in his pocket. He would tell me it was battery stuff. Or his deodarnt broke. Always a story. I took his truck away from him, it was my dads. Found over 2 grams 2 pipes 3 lighters n other stuff. For a man who doesn't smoke. Still said it wasn't his. I just wonder if he will come clean and tell me he needs help.

  • Tom

    November 14th, 2016

    My son had a new girlfriend about a year ago that introduced him to crystal meth. It changed him completely. It ruins your ability to enjoy any normalicy in your life. To make a long year very short. My 34 year old son whom I loved with all of my being asked for his gun back a couple weeks ago he said just to have up at the cabin where he was going. I didn't think he would ever hurt himself. He suffered from depression and the affects of the crystal meth and 4 days later he laid down at his mother's house and put a bullet through his head. I don't know if I will ever recover. He was such a wonder person, good looking easy to be with, started out with heavy use of pain pills .. Percocet. What a tragedy. I just want to tell everyone to remember that suicide is a very real possibility in some of these situations and PLEASE be on the lookout for any signs that might be telling more than you realize. I don't want anyone to go through what I am having to go through.

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