I married my high school sweetheart when we were both 18 years old. He worked for the railroad and I stayed home and raised our 5 children. I went back to college and became a teacher. Last year we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We are a close family with a close extended family (on my husband's side, not mine). Last fall he fell and dislocated his shoulder. When it was time for him to be released for work he tested positive for meth and the RR made him see a counselor. We were all in a state of shock and chose to believe him that it started while he was off with his shoulder. He was off work for 2 months, saw a counselor 4 times, and we all believed (or hoped) that he was telling us the truth. 5 months later he tested positive again and lost his job of 32 years. He immediately sought out a treatment program on his own and started 4 days after losing his job. I am sick at heart. I am scared, angry, and so very, very sad. Our youngest child (our only daughter graduated from high school this spring (2 days after her dad lost his job) and will head to college this fall. Our children have been very supportive and are a great help to each other, although nobody can understand why he started or what an addiction even is. His parents are in poor health and are devastated. His mom just can't understand at all and feels very, very guilty. I don't feel guilty. I understand addiction, having an alcoholic father and an alcoholic/addict sister, both whom were fired from good jobs. I guess I just don't understand what my role needs to be in his recovery. How can I support him when sometimes just being around him hurts so bad? How can I be positive about his recovery when I'm still dealing with all the negative fallout? How can I ever, ever trust him again? I should also say I don't have much faith in counselors. You see, my sister was the head of one of the biggest treatment centers in our area, and that's the job she was fired from.
December 25th, 2011
My heart goes out to you. I am someone that doesn't have any exposure to addiction and am learning first hand with a husband I love with all my heart. My husband has been a user for many years but was clean for a period of 5 years and is now using again. I have offered him help and assistance and told him I would be there for him but that he needs to let me in and be honset with me and just ask for my help. He is convinced he does not have a problem and that he can kick the addiction himself. I feel like such a failure and fool. I have lost all my self respect that I failed in my marriage because I just can't trust him and I fear that my safety and his is compromised everyday. I truly in my heart know I can't live with not knowing how he is day in and day out. I wish someone would tell me how to proceed - do I end our marriage or stick with him even know I feel he will not seek treatment?
January 20th, 2012
Dearest Rosie and Faith
THANK U FOR Sharing your stories with us all.
I and I repeat I ... Because even though an addict will consistently
Let u down as they have lost all faith in themselves until at least they try to get some help ... Then there is faith as they have faith in themselves and others ;) it's when they think that they can handle it even though all logic and sound reason states otherwise with facts and not just words .. One still has to have faith ! If we loose the faith in the ones we love ... Then they will certainly fall into the abyss of the crystal meth .... Today I won't tell my story which is a nightmare sparkled with days of sober sunshine of bliss ;) thanks to faith and to love I have not been able to save my loving partner and maybe never will yet I still hold on to the faith of god and that god can intervene and save our loved ones from a premature death. My partners mother and my family all pray that he will wake up from this nightmare and I believe that's it's our prayers that have kept him out of institutions ( hospitals and jail ) soo far . It will only take one slip of the needle or just a dose to hi to kill them or a bad meth date that could kill them for a hi ... We live in a daily battle against the devil - its bit some horned plasma out there - he is alive and well in the darkness of the day hiding behind the temporal exctasy of crystal.
I suggest going to alonon so that you can better strengthen yourselves and that way one will be filled with the self love that they lack. It's in this self love we can let go of our own fears and shortcomings to be of service to our loved ones by just being U - a sober sane and self fulfilled soul ;) lets not loose the faith to love and our loved who are going through a nightmare of their own creation and in turn bring us into their distorted sense of reality .
Don't loose your love for your fellow beings ;) and especially if they are seeking help ... Everyday they are sober or even alive if they are using habitually is a miracle for us all ;)
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