After visiting this site and reading many of your letters, I wanted to add something of my own. My father committed suicide on 12/8/04 and was a crystal meth addict. He was 53 years old far too old for this I thought. When I was little (I'm 33 now), Dad smoked pot. He grew pot and sold it to local police officers therefore thought he was above the law. He started using Meth in the late 90's. I'm not sure there was a reason for the switch other than he was introduced to it by a friend who was staying with he and my stepmother at the time. My stepmother left my dad in 2001 after numerous incidents involving violence and guns. She left with her daughter and granddaughter and only the clothes on their backs. Although I know my stepmother had a temper and at times gave as good as she got, there is no excuse for my dad threatening her life or the lives of her family. Dad started the downward decline at this time. He lost his job and started selling "his product". I only knew about the drugs because he confided in my sister. Apparently there had been previous suicide attempts that we are now finding out about. Dad called me last December and told me that he couldn't go on anymore and was going to kill himself. I immediately decided to go see him and he was adamant that I didn't. I ended up spending all night on the phone with him. He admitted to me that he was addicted to Crystal Meth and had been injecting it for over a year. He bragged about "his product" and said it was the best on the market. I told him that he just needed to walk away and to come live with me. I'd give him a job (my husband and I own our own business) and we'd find him a place to live so he would be more comfortable than living with us. I found him a free bed at a drug treatment facility. He refused all of these things because he felt he could not leave the home he and my stepmother had nor could he leave his many dogs. He did promise me that he would call me in the event he decided to go through with his suicide threats so I would be able to go and take care of his remains. I contacted the local county Judge for a court ordered commitment and he told me that my dad was just a good ole' boy down on his luck and that he would be okay. I even went as far as contacting the local drug task force telling them that he was manufacturing drugs to no avail. Every 3 to 4 months there were flare ups. He filed for bankruptcy twice during this time in an attempt to save his home.
Dad called me on November 9, 2004 and was completely out of his mind. He thought he was being watched by some type of law enforcement agency. Dad explained that the people had a sophisticated radio system and were monitoring him at all times. He begged me to call someone out and said he had them on film. I called the local sheriff's office and asked them if they knew of anyone watching my dad. They advised they had no knowledge of any surveillance taking place. I then asked them to perform a welfare check on him. They questioned this since there had been numerous occasions where they had been out because of my dad's dogs. I called him back and asked him again and he asked them to come out. Upon their arrival at the house my dad showed them the film he had. It was him crawling out of his bedroom window. His explanation was that the people had gotten to the tape and had altered it in some way. That is when he told me that he had resumed his intake of Meth and that he was going to have to recreate the situation in order to try to make contact with the people.
We saw him at Thanksgiving this year and he actually seemed to be doing better. He talked about being clean for 5 months, how he was going to get a haircut and tries to find a job. He bought a new computer during the holiday sales and was excited about working on a resume. He sold his house to a friend and was going to pay off the balance over a longer period of time. Things seemed so much better. I called my Dad on 12/6/04 and spoke to him for about 15 minutes. He told me that he was going to visit a friend in a nearby town who had some work for him to do. He told me that "the people" were now in Ninja suits instead of their regular cammo gear. He laughed a little at that and said that the only time he could get away from them was when he was somewhere else. They were at his house and followed him places, but they never were where he ended up.
I got the call about my dad's suicide late on 12/8/04. After explaining what happened to my 16 year old and 9 year old, I immediately traveled to Austin, Texas (location of suicide) and went to the Medical Examiner's office to identify my dad's remains. This is something that no child should have to do!! There was homicide detectives involved due to this occurring at someone else's residence. Due to my stepmother being legally responsible but unable to locate, my sister and I had to sign affidavits attesting to the fact that we were next of kin and legally responsible. I had to take out a bank loan to properly dispose of my father's remains. I am I'm the process of cleaning out his home, which is what a typical "crack house" looks like. I am so glad to read on your site that there are people who have recovered from this nasty addiction. I just wish my dad had reached out and cleaned up sooner. This has been an ordeal from hell and me and my family is going to have to deal with forever. Not only has this hurt his parents, daughters, brother (and family), but it has affected his grandchildren and their friends. This is a horrible thing for any family to have to deal with. There are so many unanswered questions. How could someone so intelligent fall under the spell of an illegal drug of this nature? My questions go on.
Athena Sheffield, Clyde, TX, USA
June 23rd, 2012
Read your story about your Dad. Sure sorry about the grief, and I know what it's like to lose a Dad. I live in a county where suicide and attempted suicides are becoming more and more common. I suspect meth use and drug use in particular is responsible for many incidents.
Thanks for sharing.
July 19th, 2012
Thank you for this story. I am, or have been, going down this same road your father went down. Years ago my life was full of promise, but the addictions cause so much pain and loss of relationships that I have become hopeless. This story is an inspiration to take an exit, get on another road.
November 5th, 2012
Your story caught my attention because my husband of 16 years, and father to our 4 young children, also died of suicide on December 23 2004 due to meth use and a lifetime struggle with depression. It started with pot and then prescription painkillers, which is what he was looking for when a friend introduced him to meth. Although the friend was hesitant about selling my husband any, and discouraged him from even trying it, there was no getting around what my husband has his mind set on something. If anyone reads this and wants to know more, or talk, I will gladly keep in touch. Thank you.
June 30th, 2014
I don't know where to begin other than thank you for sharing. I too have been involved with a meth addict. After 3 yrs. n 2 kids we no longer speak other than his occasional pop up to my house. I can't begin to describe the pain inside me over the relationship him n I had. Now I'm left with 2constant reminders of him n I struggle with that daily. I think I still love him but I hate myself for it. After all that he has done to me and my kids I don't understand why I still feel this way. We have been apart for 2 years now and there are times I wish he'd kill himself as a payment for destroying my life and our kids when he was around in the depths of his addiction. I guess all I've known was him and his addiction so in that way our stories are different. My question is how do you let go? How do you stop the pain that a person you once loved so incredibly deeply has caused you from smoking meth? After 2 years of being trapped in this mental hell I just want to know how to move on. I'm tired of feeling this way.
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