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Letters from Crystal Meth Users

  • Feb
    14

    Confused

    I'm 19 years old. I started messing with crystal meth when I was 15. The 1st drug and only drug I used. I don't consider myself addicted, because I do it when it's there, when I have money with no hassle. The only reason I do it, is to LOSE WEIGHT {stupid reason huh!}. I don't want to be fat. My reason for feeling guilt is because I have always done it with my cousin she introduced us; because she always had it. I've been doing it for 4 years, but I have never done nothing scandalous (sleep with anyone, sell my body, steal) nothing like that to get it.

    I would just lie to my parents when, where, with who I would go out. Crystal meth scares me, because I hate my feelings, thoughts, and attitude. I mean, I love hitting the pipe seeing my huge clouds and that I don't eat to lose weight. That's the only reason i do it, because I hate the way I feel after. All depressed. I just want to be alone in my own world. Killing myself, hating myself and my life. I mean I know a lot about METH. I like to learn about it. I research it to get info. on it. I know it's the worst drug EVER.

    I know how it could kill your health, mental, physical effects long and short, how it will change or end your life. I know the chemicals they use to make it (toxic ones). I have seen people. I experienced and lived it, heard it, seen it, but I still do it (smoke or snort). I have health problems, bad depression. HELL when i do it!

    1 yr. ago my little brother joined me in this hell. I knew not to let him try CRYS; but I said "it's better to learn from me (older sis) than anyone else. WORST MISTAKE EVER. We would smoke it together in the house or out with my cousin (the one who got me started 1yr. younger). I never said anything to my brother because he always had some. Then he opened my eyes when he CRIED to me that he only needed just one hit.

    I FUCKED UP MY BROTHERS LIFE. HIS OWN SISTER FUCKED UP HIS LIFE FOR SHIT. I see my brother dying every day lifeless. I didn't say anything because I was getting crystal meth. I knew what I was doing I was conscious of my actions. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING. I put my family through HELL. I destroyed my family because I knew everything but stayed quiet. BECAUSE I WAS GETTING SHIT.

    So I won't eat and lose weight. My brother was dying slowly and I was watching. THEN the worst I seen my brother dying he got rushed to the E.R. for OVERDOSE. I SEEN HIM LYING IN THE HOSPITAL PLUGS EVERYWHERE. IT WAS MY ENTIRE FAULT. I NEVER SAID ANYTHING. Everyone was crying even my dad. I was dying inside. I caused it this far, but THANK GOD he's ok he's ok. Only consequence just sometimes lower back pains (the kidney's) they said not major but I think so. My bro could have died 1 1/2 month ago i been through hell with CRYSTAL 4yrs. already. BUT I still do it. Not every day, but once a while a line or two. AM I ADDICTED? I only do it once a while, and if it's there (free) I'll do it; but i won't look for it. BUT THE ONLY REASON I DO IT STILL "IT'S THE FASTEST WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT". I HATE MYSELF FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE CAUSED.

    Alice G.


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