Letters from Crystal Meth Users

• Mar
  02

  Finally Clean

  I am not addicted Nope not me. I can control my drug use. I am 19 and going places. I am in collage for God's sake coming from a perfect family of doctors and lawyers. I believe in God. I am a Catholic and thus far, drugs have been nothing but good to me. I am scared. I can't stop. I just got home from France. It's been two weeks since I have even smoked pot. I want to smoke some shit. I want to smoke a bowl. I want to do some drugs. Why? Why can't I be content with how things are right now?

  I have been smoking pot every day almost for about three years now. Somehow, I believe this isn't a problem. You heavy smokers will understand the normality of it all. However, I did have a coke problem. I was selling it out of my dorm purely for profit. I mean where else can you get a 150% return like that? It was business and nothing more. Did I mention that I want to be the president of INTEL? I started doing coke. I stopped for a while to make more money for my coke habit, and pulled out student loans. Ok, I have stopped that though, it was no good. I lost a lot from coke, so I moved to on to other shit.

  OH meth, how good you were to me. You got me down to 109lbs, and even still the parents told me to lose more weight for France. They are quite over bearing at times. SO here I am just got home, finger on the phone and waiting to call the dealer.

  ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I told myself I wouldn't do this. I told myself, I was going to stop. It made me crazy. I stayed up for days and days. It became ridiculous. I would stay up and talk about politics, religion, whatever thinking I was learning something perhaps. But it was all a front. I am just like the rest of you. Denial is a bitch. I have a problem. I don't care though. I don't think I will stop quite yet. I wonder what the return on meth is? NO! God damnit! Cravings damn you! The words in my head are not my own. They thirst for some other reality; but I am trying to go somewhere in life! I hate that I can't do drugs and stay on track at the same time. It's not fair! Alas the truth is clear. I must stay clean. It's been two weeks already, let's make it two more.
  
  Tori

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  Posted on March 2nd, 2011

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