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Meth Addict's Personal Stories

  • Jan

    Living The Dream Without Meth

    Living The Dream Without Meth

    I moved from Utah to California to be with my best friend. I had high hopes for this move. I felt that it would be a great opportunity for me to progress in life so I packed my things, quit my job, left my family and friends and drove to South Orange County. I didn't find out until I got here that my best friend was addicted to cocaine. I had been doing drugs recreationally for a long time and had never had a problem at keeping it at that. I did coke with him right away and did it quite a lot, but when I realized how addicted he was, I got really scared.

    He lied about it, stopped paying his bills to buy Coke. Isolated himself from people that cared about him, surrounded himself with other addicts, stopped doing the things he normally loved to do. I fought so hard, worried, cried, lost sleep, trying everything I could possibly think of to get him to stop. He kept telling me that the only thing that I could do to help was back off. I literally didn't know how to do that. It got to the point that I told him that I couldn't think of anything else to do and that he just needed to keep it out of our home because it was getting too hard for me to turn down and I didn't want to become an addict like him. He did, for the most part, respect that but then I just never saw him. He tried so hard, bless his heart, to quit. I could see it in his eyes; the desperation and lack of soul literally. The person that I loved more than anyone in the world was disappearing right before my eyes and there wasn't much I could do about it. I felt helpless and ashamed that I was failing as a best friend. Then he started using meth.

    It didn't take long for me to become addicted. I only did it on weekends for the first little while but it quickly became a daily thing. I would binge for 3 or 4 days sometimes, go to work high, I don't even know how much weight I lost but it was VERY quickly... I'd go 4 or 5 days without eating. I only used for less than 6 months, but what I have learned about myself, the pain I went through and caused, and how hard it was to get off this drug to this day haunt me.

    I came to the conclusion, that this drug is more powerful than any non-user understands. It takes a hold quickly and doesn't let go easily. It becomes your best friend, your family, your lover, your soul mate, your source of happiness even though it's all a facade. When I was on the other side of addiction and worrying for my best friend people would tell me. There's nothing you can do. they have to want to do it for themselves or it will never happen. It used to make me so mad!!! I realize now though it's true. People told me that I just needed to end things with him and leave him but I knew I wasn't willing to do that and now I'm a recovering addict and my best friend is no longer in my life.

    As I write my story I am on day 33 with no Crystal. I've experienced some amazing, terrifying, and indescribable things in my battle with addiction. I couldn't possibly even explain what I've gone through and learned in the past month. I feel GREAT! In the month since I've been home I've started my own company, accepted a contract to be the makeup artist for a professional dance company, and I'm back recording in the studio! I remember again what it feels like to be an independent person with dreams. There are really tough days and some that are even tougher but I feel more like "ME" than I think I ever have. I'm walking away from my experience in California a stronger, better, smarter Emily!

    This website has been a huge part of that! Em

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